welcome to my digital city. here's Neocities, the site i made this from. it took me like half an hour, you can too!
well here I am. I have moved to a new city, away from the usual dwellings I haunted for 5 odd years. I have been here for nearly a week now, and the significance of my decision is creeping into my psyche. Who, in the midst of a notably dark winter, decides to make a break for a new place? What neural spasms lead a person to leave the things she knows for a new, possibly unfriendly metropolis? I have settled on the idea that this is my quarter-life crisis.
These past five years have felt like twenty. I farted around, fell in love, got my heart broken. I let someone make me small in a way I promised myself I never would. I tried to slough off my funky freak skin and become someone else who is more normal and chill and doesn't care about the things I care about, so it hurt less when other people didn't care either. Turns out being mean to yourself after someone else hurts your feelings doesn't actually help you. It just feels like more crap. I kind of lost myself in a big way, and I'm desperate to find her. Try as I might, I escape my understanding. I chase myself like a dog with its tail, running in circles until I get tired and fall asleep. It's interesting how I'm filling my days here so far, I'm applying for three different kinds of job (retail, barista, research). Meanwhile I'm putting off emailing a radio station to volunteer. and putting it off and putting it off. What am I so afraid of???
my favourite thing has been dreaming, though. i'm such a long-winded writer when it comes to everything except writing about my dreams. i hope i have more soon.